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"When a man and woman are trying to have sex, he will often climax before she is ready. Sometimes he will climax before she is, technically, in the room." - Dave Barry


Proposal for a new newsgroup -
NEWSGROUP CONTENTS This moderated news group will be known as '' and will provide exactly the same as all other News groups but will repeat most of its postings at 6, 12, 24, 36 and 48 month intervals, if not the same day. A great deal of its postings will be made up from the contents of aus.rec.culture and usa.rec.culture in order to fill up bandwidth and therefore convince users who subscribe to it that the news group is not a complete waste of space. Many of these international postings will have appeared in other news groups no less than a decade earlier. POSTING TO UK.BBC.SCAM As the group is moderated it will only be accepting contributive postings from individuals who have had an Oxford or Cambridge University education. Additionally, any person whose parent or parents subscribe to the newsgroup will also be allowed to post. This moderation is to ensure that the correct standard of posting is maintained, as defined by the moderators, and that anybody who has not been bred or educated into the responsibility of posting to such a powerful resource can in no way endanger the status quo or uniqueness of the news group SUBSCRIPTION TO UK.BBC.SCAM There will be a mandatory charge of #100 per year to download this is to ensure that all users feel that they are: a) Getting something miraculous and b) By paying the subscription are being provided with a unique opportunity to appear witless and infirm. This charge will also ensure that has a unique way of operating which of course will be true, as the barefaced cheak of charging #100 per year, is pretty unique. Also in order that can provide a unique system of operation the #100 per annum subscription fee will be payable by all uk residents, irrespective of financial status, even if they choose not to take the opportunity of downloading the unique Anyone who has an electrical socket, into which they could plug equipment to access news groups, and therefore, renders them liable to pay the #100 subscription. Failure to pay may result in severe financial penalties which will in turn lead to eventual imprisonment. ADVERTISING ON UK.BBC.SCAM There will be no advertising on unless: o The moderators feel that it is unavoidably necessary o It is related material o They get talked into it by Microsoft o The advertiser bungs a moderator a pony (and we don't mean #25 quid) reserve the right to spam other news groups with messages relating to the non-payment of the subscription and also reserve the right to portray anyone who voices disagreement with the subscription as a shifty, untrustworthy, unhealthy, villainous, two-faced, three-legged, seven-tongued, five headed, four-kneed scoundrel lacking in any basic moral dress sense with the manners and pedigree of a sodomised wheel-barrow. OTHER UNIMPORTANT, NOT WORTH READING STUFF HOW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION MONEY WILL BE SPENT The monies will be used to provide food, clothing, large country estates, cars, helicoptors, holidays in Tuscany, second homes on the coast, booze, drugs, shopping fests, vetted nannies, potracted luncheon dates lots of sex and any other trappings necessary for the moderators and contributors of to feel at peace with the world after wrestling with the enormous responsibilities of providing that unique news group experience that provides for the nation. The money will also be spent on the up-keep and manning of the many local and area blackboards thus providing areas of employment where moderators can retire to when sick and tired of the cut and thrust world of real newsgroup work at ELECTION OF MODERATORS There will be no election of moderators and anyway what's it got to do with you? ---- From The Campaign against Forced Subscription
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