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If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.

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Some new terms to add to your vocabulary
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. (Remind you of someone???) Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves. Blowing your buffer - Losing your train of thought. Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands. CLM (Career-limiting-move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia. Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon. Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits. Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal. We all owe $8 each, but all anybodys got is yuppie food stamps. Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in 'This is Dale, my..um..friend.'
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