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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

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XXX-Rated shed talk!
XXX-Rated Shed Talk!!!

Compiled from three messages (1, 2, 3) originally posted to uk.rec.sheds

Hot Shed talk now brought to you by Shed-U-Like. Just try some of our hot
shed lines and chat to like-minded connoisseurs. Just dial 1-800-HOT-SHED
and at the tone press the correct digit. Then get down to some straight shed
talk!!!

   * Dial 1 for HARDCORE ACTION!!! - Foundations and getting the right
     mixture of concrete/sharp sand.
   * Dial 2 for FIRM ERECTIONS!!! - Using the right bonding materials and
     fixings.
   * Dial 3 for HOT AND READY!!! - You're a bit sweaty, but your shed is now
     ready for use.
   * Dial 4 for PUMP ACTION!!! - Mending that old bike you keep in your
     shed.
   * Dial 5 for BANG ME HARD!!! - Ensure your shed is solidly built.
   * Dial 6 for DAMP DOWN BELOW!!! - Problems with seepage? Advice on damp
     coarses.
   * Dial 7 for PERMANENT ERECTIONS!!! - Just what are the planning laws for
     sheds?
   * Dial 8 for RUB ME UP!!! - Shed preparation prior to applying
     paint/creasote.
   * Dial 9 for SLIPPERY WHEN WET!!! - Is lino flooring the best option?
   * Dial 10 for BIG CHESTS!!! - What to do with those old tea chests from
     your last move.
   * Dial 11 for GET OUT YOUR CANE!!! - More tips on preventing sweet peas
     from falling in high wind.
   * Dial 12 for IT'S DRIPPING ON THE FLOOR!!! - What to do if those old
     paint tins are leaking.
   * Dial 13 for I WANT YOUR SEED!!! - Swaps for old packets of flower and
     lawn seed.
   * Dial 14 for CHAIN ME UP!!! - Security for cycles and mowers.
   * Dial 15 for RAMPANT!!! - Trouble with vigorous ivy and clematis?
   * Dial 16 for IT'S A BIT SORE!!! - Remedies for back injuries.
   * Dail 17 for UP AGAINST THE WALL!!! - Spade, fork and broom storage.
   * Dial 18 for I WANT YOUR POLE!!! - A buyer's guide to new broom handles.
   * Dial 19 for TAKE IT FROM BEHIND!!! - Probably the best way to get your
     new shed into your back garden.
   * Dial 20 for HARD AND FAST!!! - How to lay a concrete foundation in one
     afternoon.
   * Dial 21 for WET AND WILD!!! - Rustic sheds in the Lake District.
   * Dial 22 for BIG ONES!!! - A review of the latest large sheds.
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