Selected highlights from people's resumes (CVs)
*Compiled from actual resumes by Robert Half International* I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. It's best for employers that I not work with people. Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. I Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. My goal is to be meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job hopping. I have never quit a job. Marital status: Often. Children: various. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. Finished eighth in my class of ten. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
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