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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

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The Redneck Dictionary
Artery...................... The study of paintings.
Benign...................... What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria.................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium...................... What doctors do when patients die. 
Caesarean Section........... A neighbourhood in Rome.
Catscan..................... Searching for Kitty.
Cauterise................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic....................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................ A punctuation mark.
D&C......................... Where Washington is.
Dilate...................... To live long.
Enema....................... Not a friend.
Fester...................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...................... A small lie.
Genital..................... Non-Jewish person. 
G.I.Series.................. World Series of military baseball. 
Hangnail.................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.................... Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain................. Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff............... A Doctor's cane. 
Morbid...................... A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................ I knew it. 
Outpatient.................. A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................... A fatherhood test. 
Pelvis...................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room............... Place to do upholstery.
Rectum...................... Darn near killed him.
Secretion................... Hiding something.
Seizure..................... Roman emperor.
Tablet...................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour...................... More than one.
Urine....................... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose.................... Near by.
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