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Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.


Some announcements heard at stations
"And the next train arriving on platform four is the Dunblane Train. This train is very overcrowded, so if there are any passengers standing in the doorways, just throw them out the way" - Haymarket, Edinburgh "The person who is kicking the vending machine, yes, you, the vending machine is out. Of. Order. Yeah, I can see what you're doing you know.." - Haymarket, Edinburgh "The train arriving at platform [whatever] is the [whatever] Virgin train from [Wherever]. This train is the first Virgin train today to run on time. We apologise for any confusion this may cause." - Haymarket, Edinburgh "The next train arriving on Platform Two is the Virgin train to [whatever], driven by widow twanky." - Haymarket, Edinburgh "This is a message for all passengers in the 4th carriage, can you please teach the gentleman who keeps trying to open the doors exactly how they close, preferably by holding him firmly and letting them close repeatedly on his head..." - London Tube "I am sorry for the delay to this service, this is due to signal problems. And if you look out onto the right-hand side of the train, you will see the Wembley signal control room. I've just asked them on the radio to look at this train, so if you would all like to show them exactly what you think of them: Please go ahead. One or Two fingers should be all you need" - London Tube "Unfortunately for you lot, we are now stuck behind a broken down train. We'll be here for quite a while but I don't care, I'm now on Overtime" - London Tube "This is a customer announcement, would the nutter who just jumped onto the track please get back onto the platform as the rats get jealous when someone invades their territory" - London Tube
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