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Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head". Normally, you would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that.


The redneck census
Last name: ________________

 First name: (Check appropriate box)
 (_) Billy-Bob
 (_) Billy-Joe
 (_) Billy-Ray
 (_) Billy-Sue
 (_) Billy-Mae
 (_) Billy-Jack

 What does everyone call you?
 (_) Booger
 (_) Bubba
 (_) Junior
 (_) Sissy
 (_) Other___________________

 Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
 Sex: ____ M   _____ F   _____ Not sure
 Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

 Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
 (_) Farmer
 (_) Mechanic
 (_) Hair Dresser
 (_) Unemployed
 (_) Dirty Politician
 (_) Preacher

 2nd Spouse's
 3rd Spouse's

 Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
 (_) Sister
 (_) Brother
 (_) Aunt
 (_) Uncle
 (_) Cousin
 (_) Mother
 (_) Father
 (_) Son
 (_) Daughter
 (_) Pet

 Number of children living in household: _____
 Number of children living in shed: ______
 Number that are yours: ______

 Mother's Name:_______________________(If not sure,leave blank)
 Father's Name:_______________________ (If not sure,leave blank)

 Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

 Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home?(Check appropriate box)

 Total number of vehicles you own: ___
 Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
 Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
 Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
 Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

 Firearms you own and where you keep them:
 ____ truck
 ____ bedroom
 ____ bathroom
 ____ kitchen
 ____ shed

 Model and year of your pickup: 196_

 Do you have a gun rack?
 (_) Yes   (_) No;   If no, please explain:

 Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
 (_) The National Enquirer
 (_) The Globe
 (_) TV Guide
 (_) Soap Opera Digest
 (_) Rifle and Shotgun

 Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
 Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____
 Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

 How often do you bathe:
 (_) Weekly
 (_) Monthly
 (_) Not Applicable

 Color of eyes:
 Left______   Right_____

 Color of hair:
 (_) Blond
 (_) Black
 (_) Red
 (_) Brown
 (_) White
 (_) Clairol

 Color of tooth:
 (_) Yellow
 (_) Brownish-Yellow
 (_) Brown
 (_) Black
 (_) Not Applicable

 Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

 How far is your home from a paved road?
 (_) 1 mile
 (_) 2 miles
 (_) just a whoop-and-a-holler
 (_) road?
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