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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"


Doctor's slang
Medicine is a profession already overflowing with acronyms and technical terms, and doctors over the years have invented plenty of their own. CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon) GLM - Good looking Mum GPO - Good for Parts Only TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury NFN - Normal for Norfolk FLK - Funny looking kid GROLIES - Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt TTFO - Told To (ahem) Go Away LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home CNS-QNS - Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient "Pumpkin Positive" - the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up. DBI refers to "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed. A PFO refers to a drunken patient who sustained injury falling over, while a PGT "Got Thumped" instead. Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery Departure lounge - geriatric ward Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic) Freud Squad - Psychiatrists Gassers - Anaesthetists Slashers - General surgeons
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