Boss button
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".


The Microsoft chair
Written by The Ghost In The Machine, on comp.os.linux.advocacy.
[1] Now available: Microsoft Chair.  It serves one's favorite
    beverage.  It fits one's tired bottom.  It explodes for
    no apparent reason.  Microsoft Chair.  Because anything
    else would just be something to sit on.  Comes with
    built-in TV set, phone, bird feeder, and matching draperies.

[2] Microsoft Table.  Ever wonder where you left your keys, papers,
    or second wife?  Well, wonder no more, for Microsoft Table,
    in additional to being a sturdy support platform, also supports
    a built-in indexer, a TV set, and matching draperies.
    Requires Microsoft Chair.

[3] Microsoft Lamp, to brighten your day.  Just install and
    double click and your Table will be nice and bright.
    Comes with headset and matching draperies.  TV set optional.

    [A] WARNING: Do not use Microsoft Bulb 1.0.  Doing so will
        void your warranty, and may cause your computer to
	crash, divorce, and house fires.  Make sure to use
	Microsoft Bulb 1.0.01-03, which contains the Auto-License
	Option.  Please note that Microsoft reserves the right
	to look at your Table using the Bulb.

    [B] Under certain conditions Microsoft Lamp may explode if
        it shines on too many Tables.  To forestall this condition,
	buy more Lamps.  Thank you.

    [C] We've had some field reports that Microsoft Chair 2.1 may
        have problems with the light from Microsoft Lamp 1.0.
	This light, which as far as Microsoft can tell is no different
	from any other light except that it's DRM-enhanced, may
	cause Microsoft Chair 2.1 to fade to nothing and break apart
	under certain conditions.  To forestall this, purchase a
	copy of Microsoft Umbrella.  We're working on it.

    [D] It is not possible to move Microsoft Bulb from the Microsoft
        Lamp (Table edition) to the Microsoft Lamp (Floor edition).
	In order to upgrade Microsoft Lamp from Table to Floor one
	must buy another copy of Microsoft Bulb.  Ditto for moving
	from Floor to Table.

    [E] Linux Sunlight is only a passing fad.

    [F] There have been field reports that Microsoft Bulb
	will flicker irregularly.  We've been unable
	to substantiate such reports but do have a
	suggested fix: open Microsoft Table's handy
	Table Registry Editor Control (located somewhere
	underneath the drawer, depending on table
	configuration), and then look for the Object ID
	01-XXAYAS-203490-IEI4.203/118.	This object ID
	value can then be changed from FLARNK to WHACKO, in
	order to frizntan the kleemblebops and then [rest
	omitted for brevity].  This should fix the flicker.
	Remember not to felch the dirklkenas, as that
	would end civilization as we know it; Microsoft
	cannot be held responsible in such circumstances.

[4] Microsoft Bulb.  For use in Microsoft Lamp.  Comes
    with matching draperies.  Depending on version may
    require upgrading of surrounding TV sets.

    [A] WARNING: Draperies should not be installed more than
        once on a Window, nor should a Window have more
	than one Drapery.  The extras should be kept in the
	off chance that one might need them.

    [B] WARNING: Draperies can catch fire.  Do not place
        Microsoft Lamp too close to draperies.  (About
	2 miles away should be far enough.)

    [C] WARNING: In order to move Microsoft Lamp one must
        purchase the Floating Bulb Option.
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