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As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable---until I realised it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!


You might be a SCOundrel
Written by Brian W. on Groklaw You might work for SCO if... keep your most compelling evidence hidden in a suitcase half a world away from the court ordering its production. think shaking down kids for their lunch money is SO five minutes ago. take pride in how your company's technology has made a MAJOR LEAP into the 90s. think "a billion gazillion" is a real number if you put the word "dollars" after it. believe the words "on pain of death and dismemberment" are in the U.S. Constitution. ...the very thought of someone giving something away for free gives you chest pains. see an utter lack of evidence as a "minor technicality." ..."Go Fish" is your favorite card game. ...your engineers have developed the annoying habit of answering every question with, "Yeah, sure. Whatever." think it's a good idea to proclaim in public interviews that your bodyguards were "packing" while on a prestigious university campus. ...your lawyer just shakes his head and sighs every time you have "good news" or a "great idea." think that actually looking at the code produced by a grep command for evidence in a five billion dollar lawsuit is, well, just too much of a bother. think indemnification is a good idea. think indemnification is a bad idea. regard a direct court order as a "suggestion." ...nobody in your company is using the business cards you had printed up with the clever tag line, "You Innovate, We Litigate!" think that "working with law enforcement authorities" means issuing a press release that says you are "working with law enforcement authorities." real life, if you were to hang out with rocket scientists, MIT mathematicians, and spectral analysts, you'd have a very difficult time keeping quiet about the number of wedgies you administered. keep re-watching that South Park episode hoping to find out what the gnomes did right before "Step 4. Profit!!!" ...your own PR department has, on more than one occasion, refused your specific request to issue a press release that says simply, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! JUST GIVE US THE MONEY!"
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