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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" Deep Thoughts - Jack Handey


Excuses given by people caught by speed cameras
I had passed out after seeing flashing lights, which I believed to be UFOs in the distance. The flash of the camera brought me round from my trance. I was in the airport?s flight path and I believe the camera was triggered by a jet overhead, not my car. I had a severe bout of diarrhoea and had to speed to a public toilet. There was a strong wind behind my car which pushed me over the limit. My friend had just chopped his fingers off and I was rushing the fingers to hospital. The vibrations from the surfboard I had on the roof rack set off the camera. I had to rush my dying hamster to the vets. A violent sneeze caused a chain reaction where my foot pushed down harder on the accelerator. There was a suspected case of foot and mouth and I had to rush to see the cow concerned. The only way I could demonstrate my faulty clutch was to accelerate madly.
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