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When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.


How to tell if you are scottish
You Know Your A True Scot If...................................... 1: Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St., St. Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. 2: Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie. 3: Yer used tae four seasons in wan day. 4: Ye canna pass a chippie/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert. 5: Ye can fall aboot pished withoot spilling yer drink. 6: Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories pure class. 7: Ye measure distance in minutes. 8: Ye kin understan Rab C. Neabitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family. 9: Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the Ocean. 10: Ye kin make a hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds. 11: Ye know whit Haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. 12: Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date. 13: You've been tae a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the church/Chapel. 14: Ye arny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. 15: Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it. 16: Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure. 17: Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums. 18 ; Ye acutally understand this and yer gonna send it tae yer pals. 19: Finally, you are 100% Scot if you ever said/heard these words; How's it hingin Clatty Boggin Cludgie Pished Get it up ye Wee Beastie Erse Banbit Amurny Away an bile yer heid Peely-wally Humphey backit Ba'-heid Baw bag Dubble nugget A wee glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?" "Naw," replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin".
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