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"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward" Geoff Boycott, Radio 5 Live

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Translating men and women's English
Women's English: ----------------- Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead] Men's English: ---------------- I'm hungry = I'm hungry I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy I'm tired = I'm tired Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? I love you = Let's have sex now! I love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex? Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I'm gay
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