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Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you come out you're all covered with leeches. Just say, "Hey, has anybody seen my raisins?" (Because leeches kind of look like big raisins.)

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Some facts about men (for women)
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high. 2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:you're sick of him. 4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too. 5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do. 6. If you want a nice man go for a ugly one -- they try harder. 7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway. 8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay. 9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart. 10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee. 11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married. 12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman. 13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong, but you could still use them. 14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets. 15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man. 16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
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