A guide to being a woman (Women's version)
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2. Be ambiguous. Always. 3. Cry. Cry often. 4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago...or with other boyfriends. 5. Make them apologize for everything. 6. Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. 7. Look them in the eye and start laughing. 8. Get mad at them for everything. 9. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. 10. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. 11. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. 12. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his Little Princess. 13. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late. 14. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24 - 7. Compare and contrast. 15. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong. 16. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry. 17. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud. 18. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer. 19. Leave out the good parts in stories. 20. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing. 21. Criticize the way they dress. 22. Criticize the music they listen to. 23. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them. 24. Try to change them. 25. Try to mold them. 26. Try to get them to dance. 27. When they screw up, never let them forget it. 28. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting...just because. 29. Blame everything on PMS. 30. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?" 31. Read into everything.. 32. Over-analyze everything.
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