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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

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Some new drugs for women
With the introduction of Viagra to fix a perennial male problem, a famous British pharmaceutical company is working to redress the balance: MIRRORCILLIN A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four hours without pausing once. STOPPANAGGIN Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their spouse/boyfriend. COSMOPOLIRA Doubles female intelligence to almost simian levels, allowing "facts" in trash lifestyle magazines to be disputed. LOGICON Trials showed that females taking this were able to follow a proposition through to its logical conclusion, and argue effectively without being diverted into non-relevant postulates such as "you don't love me anymore". PARKATRON 72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse park a Ford Fiesta into a space only 12 metres long; 54% acheived this in under 15 minutes. MAGNATACK Uniquely distorts the cornea, making certain shapes appear much larger than in reality - no practical use for this drug has yet been found. WARDROBIA Clinical trials show that almost 23% of women taking this drug can safely walk past a "sale" notice, and an amazing 42% stayed within their credit limit. BEERINTULIN Engenders a female desire to bring her spouse/boyfriend alcoholic beverages and snacks during televised sports
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