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I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or cleaning the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn't in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

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21 Reasons why a cucumber is better than a man
  1. A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter.
  2. A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
  3. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
  4. A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy.
  5. A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
  6. A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon.
  7. A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool on
     the pillow.
  8. A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
  9. You won't find out that a cucumber is: married
                                            on penicillin
                                            trying to screw your sister.
 10. A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while you're asleep.
 11. A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
 12. A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
 13. All cucumbers are fresh and juicy.
 14. You can keep as many cucumbers as you want.
 15. Your mother won't flip out finding a cucumber in your house.
 16. Cucumbers don't jam the freezer with food you don't like.
 17. Cucumbers don't stay up until 4 and then demand that you
     take care of them when they get sick.
 18. But on the other hand, cucumbers stay up ALL THE TIME.
 19. Cucumbers don't mind if you enjoy them and a movie at the same time.
 20. Nobody calls you a bigot for having a favourite kind of cucumber.
 21. The cucumbers you raise don't desert you.
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