Boss button
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.


100 Reasons why it's great to be a woman
1. We can get laid anytime we want 2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar 3. We piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk 4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying 5. We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg 6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class 7. We get to shop at Victoria's Secret 8. We can marry rich and then not have to work 9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates 10. Men take us on all expense paid trips - all we have to do is sleep with them 11. Men light our cigarettes for us 12. Men hold the door open for us 13. We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!) 14. We're cuter 15. We lie better 16. We're better manipulators 17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch 18. We always have food in the fridge 19. We don't worry about losing our hair 20. We always get to choose the movie 21. We don't have to mow the lawn 22. We don't have to take out the garbage 23. We don't have to paint the house or walls 24. PMS - yet another excuse to bitch at men 25. Cosmopolitan 26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole 27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold 28. PMS is a legal defence for murder 29. Men are like tiles, lay em right the first time ya can walk all over em forever 30. We can masturbate more in a day than men 31. 2 words - multi orgasmic 32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals 33. Sweat is sexy on us 34. We never run out of excuses 35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often 36. Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game too 37. We get expensive jewellery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back 38. We get candy, flowers and jewellery all the time cuz men fuck up so often 39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner 40. Women are cleaner 41. Women have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know) 42. We're better arguers 43. We don't always have to think with our genitals 44. Massage!!!! 45. We're better parents 46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night 47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men 48. We're flexible 49. When women get pissed we don't destroy property or hurt people - we just take it out on the world in general because we can 50. Menopause - thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50 51. Menstruation - just another excuse to use so we can say "no" to sex 52. Men in uniform 53. There is no penis envy 54. We can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy cleanup 55. It generally takes us less to get drunk 56. We have a higher tolerance to pain 57. We often get to cut in line 58. Most women actually look good in short shorts - men DON'T 59. Better tips 60. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, its rather disgusting 61. We have mastered civilised eating - we don't embarrass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public 62. Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank god for long pants and perfume! 63. We can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want 64. We don't have excessive amounts of body hair 65. We don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet 66. Men will pay us for sex 67. Smoking the seeds in marijuana doesn't make us sterile 68. We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return 69. Men may fantasise about having sex with more than one woman at a time, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if we want 70. Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us 71. Women sweat less 72. Women smell better 73. When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - a blowjob and sex fixes all 74. Men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats 75. Women don't get the humor in the three stooges 76. Women have three accessible holes 77. We don't get embarrassed when buying tampons 78. We're better gossips 79. We have better fashion sense 80. We're better shoppers 81. We don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man 82. Our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone 83. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you) 84. We're all sittin on a gold mine - we know it and use it to our extreme advantage 85. We don't have to drive when on a date 86. An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just fucked 87. Women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn" line 88. Women know how fake it 89. Women look better naked 90. We know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing 91. When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short 92. Women do less time for violent crime 93. Women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up 94. An oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time any night 95. Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye" 96. Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood 97. Women never have to see combat 98. The remote control is not an extension of ourselves 99. Women are sexier and the 100th reason its better to be a woman - this one is definitely worthy of reiteration: 100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!
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