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Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.

Funnies

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Some feminist jokes
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: Why are men like commercials? A: You can't believe a word they say. Q: Why are men like popcorn? A: They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? A: Sex. Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? A: When the power goes off. Q: What do men and women have in common? A: They both distrust men. Q: How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? A: Guilt gifts are nicer. Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? A: His wife is good at picking out clothes. Q: How is a man like the weather? A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them. Q: What is the difference between a man and childbirth? A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is giving birth. Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them. Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins. Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? A: Slow. Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A: They're married. Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? A: An insurance company. Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings? A: Because they don't have any. Q: How are men like noodles? A: They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough. Q: Why are men and spray paint alike? A: One squeeze and they're all over you. Q: Why is food better than men? A: Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds. Q: Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars? A: At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 5000 miles, whichever came first. Q: What do ceramic tile and men have in common? A: If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life! Q: How do you grow your own dope? A: Plant a man. Q: What about the man who saw the sign "Drink Canada Dry"? A: He moved there. Q: How do you get a man to do situps? A: Put the remote control between his toes Q: What do men consider housecleaning? A: Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them Q: How do you save a man from drowning? A: Take your foot off his head Q: What do men consider a 7 course meal? A: A hotdog and a six pack of beer Q: How does a man change a roll of toilet paper? A: No one knows - we've never seen it done! Q: Why is it good that there are women astronauts? A: So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions. Q: How can you tell if a man is excited? A: He's breathing Q: How do men exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomach everytime a bikini goes by Q: What do men consider foreplay? A: Half an hour of begging Q: How can you tell if a man is happy? A: Who cares??? Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? A: 1. No mind. 2. No business. Q: If men got pregnant.... A: Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because they already have boyfriends. Q: Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? A: He had it bronzed. Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? A: Two ways to cross a river. Q: What is gross stupidity? A: 144 men in one room. Q: What is a man's view of safe sex? A: A padded headboard. Q: How do men sort their laundry? A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them. Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat? A: A sex-change operation. Q: Why do men talk so dirty? A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer. Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: They won't stop to ask directions!
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