Some computery one-liners
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works. A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord. A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct? A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium? A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer. AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key. ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS. All computers run at the same speed...with the power off. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic? Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure? Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner. Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try. C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files. C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\NAUGHTY\FILTHY\DISGUSTING\WOW! Close your eyes and press escape three times. Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors. Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can. Hackers have kernel knowledge. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. Honey, I Formatted the Kid! I am the computer your mother warned you about. I came, I saw, I deleted all your files. I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere. Famous last words: I just found the last bug. Famous last words: This time it will surely run. I'm a modemer and I'm OK. I post all night and I sleep all day. IBM: Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers IBM: Idiots Built Me IBM: In Business (for) Money If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station? If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer. If only women came with pull-down menus and online help. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? "It said, ""Insert disk #3,"" but only two will fit!" MC Hammer, n. Device used to ensure firm seating of MicroChannel boards Maintenance free: It's impossible to fix. Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... Microsoft- where do you want your money to go today Microsoft- you will be assimilated Mommy! The cursor's winking at me! Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once... My computer NEVER cras Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt Never write software that patronizes the user. One picture is worth 128K words. Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. RAM DISK is not an installation procedure! REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe...... REALITY.SYS corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)? Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm) Revolutionary: Disk drives go round and round. SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory. Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes... The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m / sec^2 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!! The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out. The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion. To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer. USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue. Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before. Virus detected! P)our chicken soup on motherboard? Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD! Windows- a 32bit extension and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor written by a 2 bit company that cant stand 1 bit of competition WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses... WOMEN.ZIP: A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation... Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? You have junk mail. You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password. You might have mail. ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume. f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. - Robert X. Cringely (Douglas) Hofstadter's law: Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even when you take into account Hofstadter's law.
Vote for this funny: | Number of views: 1997 | Mail this funny to a friend