Boss button
I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.


New rules your company is introducing

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Operations are now banned.  As long as you are an employee here, you need
all your organs.  You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements.  In rare cases, where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough
to keep the job going in your absence.

This will be accepted as an excuse.  However, we require at least two weeks
notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.  For instance,
those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees who
names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable
to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when
your time comes again.  In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time
with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this
exchange.  In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.

The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better
understand their paychecks:

Item                      Amount
    Gross pay            $1,222.02
    Income tax             $244.40
    Outgo tax               $45.21
    State tax               $11.61
    Interstate tax          $61.10
    County tax               $6.11
    City tax                $12.22
    Rural tax                $4.44
    Back tax                 $1.11
    Front tax                $1.16
    Side tax                 $1.61
    Up tax                   $2.22
    Down tax                 $1.11
    Tic-Tacs                 $1.98
    Thumbtacks               $3.93
    Carpet tacks             $0.98
    Stadium tax              $0.69
    Flat tax                 $8.32
    Surtax                   $3.46
    Corporate tax            $2.60
    Parking fee              $5.00
    FICA                    $81.88
    TGIF Fund                $9.95
    Life insurance           $5.85
    Health insurance        $16.23
    Dental insurance         $4.50
    Mental insurance         $4.33
    Reassurance              $0.11
    Disability               $2.50
    Ability                  $0.25
    Liability                $3.41
    Unreliability           $10.99
    Coffee                   $6.85
    Coffee Cups             $66.51
    Floor rental            $16.85
    Chair rental             $0.32
    Desk rental              $4.32
    Union dues               $5.85
    Union don'ts             $3.77
    Cash advance             $0.69
    Cash retreats          $121.35
    Overtime                 $1.26
    Under time               $54.83
    Eastern time             $9.00
    Central time             $8.00
    Mountain time            $7.00
    Pacific time             $6.00
    time Out                $12.21
    Oxygen                  $10.02
    Water                   $16.54
    Heat                    $51.42
    Cool air                $26.83
    Hot air                 $20.00
    Miscellaneous          $113.29
    Sundry                  $12.09
    Various                  $8.01
    Net Take Home Pay        $0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.  We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.  All questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should
be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.
Vote for this funny: Vote --Vote -Vote 0Vote+Vote ++ | Number of views: 2312 | Mail this funny to a friend

Mail this page to a friend
Add some graffiti